Not My Best Day.

This morning I woke up so excited to spend the whole day with my man.

I had it all planned out.

Forest walk. Finish Amelie's Derby car. Lunch. Dive meet. Movie in bed to end the day.

With a couple of things on the guy's please-help-with-list.

Well it all went sour during our walk.

An issue from years ago resurfaced, brought back bad feelings from a disagreement

 and it ruined the rest of the day for me.

I even went berserk and lost it because the poor guy tracked sand all through the house
that I took time to clean yesterday to make our home nice for the week-end!

Berserk, like slamming doors and throwing the offensive shoes down the stairs. 

The real problem, is that I still don't feel understood and validated regarding this issue we had years ago...
 I had felt so hurt. 

Why do I do that?

I don't like who I become when I lose control!

It feels good when in the moment, you feel so justified. 

But then comes the feel crappy part.

And then I have to go through that whole process of repenting and eating humble pie, and 'I'm sorries'.

And having my poor kids look at me like... Wow!

Not fun. Really. Not fun.

But Hey. 

At least Mike made himself feel better by buying himself a new Chrome book 

(And I thought he was going to come home with flowers.)

Hey, at least he doesn't go out and drink!

He says he is not mad at me.
Oh, I feel so much better!

 And he wants me to erase all of this but I don't want to. 

Cause this is life. 

And at the end of it we forget all the bad stuff and think it was all a bliss... 

But it isn't. 

Life is hard sometimes. 

Marriage is hard. Family life is hard.
There are good days, bad days, boring days, exciting days, great days.
Good years and not so good years.
( the 3 worst years in our marriage were the 3 years we moved,  huge life stresses)
Relationships are hard.

They need constant nourishment, 

compromise, forgiveness, giving and taking,

selflessness, agreeing to disagree and so forth...

So here we are, in bed, after this not so great Saturday

Me venting on my blog. Him on his new toy.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

A good nights sleep does wonders for me when these kinda days happen.

I rarely stay upset after a good night's sleep.
To me it heals and calms mind and body. Gives perspective.

Just don't ask me to makeup anytime before that.

As for Mike, he doesn't need a good nights sleep to make things better, 

He kinda lives in LaLa land where everything is rosy and happy!

Where forgiving comes so fast and easily, where there is no offence,
where no one does wrong, and bad memories are fast forgotten...

I just don't live there yet!
I wish I did.
I wish I was more like him.

Goodnight.

(Amelie was awesome today)